Not a Book Review 3 – Why Men and Women Behave Differently: Decoding Our Differences

Farmantra

Several years ago, a brilliant advertisement for an Indian detergent went viral.

You can watch it here. I encourage you to watch the ad first so that you understand the context of this short essay. I bet the ad inspired many men to start helping their wives with household chores—though perhaps only for a short while.

At the same time, most men might agree that we often forget details like where we went on our first date, while women tend to remember not just the place, but even where we were seated. It sounds funny—but it’s often true.

This got me thinking:

Why do men and women behave the way they do?
Why do they enjoy—or avoid—certain types of work?
Why do men forget birthdays or anniversaries, while many women remember every detail?
Why are there more female nurses than male nurses? Is that discrimination?
Why are grandmothers often great cooks—but not grandfathers?

Evolutionary Perspective

For some of these questions, the classic answer is “patriarchy”—and that’s certainly part of it. Women have been oppressed for ages, not allowed to participate in many activities outside the home, and that’s definitely part of the answer. But there’s more to it than meets the eye.

Sex Differences in Empathy and Nurturing Behavior

Historically, women played a central role in child-rearing, especially in the early, vulnerable stages of life. This fostered statistical tendencies for traits like:

Empathy
Sensitivity to others’ emotional and physical needs
Responsiveness to distress
Patience in caregiving tasks

These traits became more common in females than males on average—not as absolutes, but as statistical tendencies. Cultural norms also influenced caregiving roles.

Nursing, for example, aligns with these traits. In ancestral environments, caregiving ability was valued in women as a signal of:

Good mothering potential
Social bonding ability
Group value

Today’s nursing profession is a modern institutional version of ancient caregiving roles. It’s not that women are “naturally nurses”—it’s that the profession rewards traits more frequent in females due to both evolution and social reinforcement.

Home Cooking vs. Competitive Cooking

Grandmothers cook for kin → nurturing, consistent, private.
Famous chefs cook for prestige → competitive, performative, high-pressure.

Evolutionarily:

Women evolved to excel in kin-based roles: caregiving, provisioning, reliability
Men evolved to excel in competitive, hierarchical roles: status-seeking, risk-taking, showmanship

Elite cooking is high-stakes. Men are, on average, more likely to pursue risky paths for outsized reward or recognition. Status in ancestral environments often translated to more mates, allies, or resources.

Sexual Division of Labor

Matt Ridley in The Rational Optimist describes an evolutionary bargain:

The man brings meat and protects the fire from thieves and bullies, in exchange for help rearing the children. The woman brings veg and does much of the cooking.

In early human societies:

Men took on intermittent, high-risk tasks (hunting, defending the group)
Women performed consistent, reliable, skill-based tasks (gathering, cooking, medicine)

This complementarity wasn’t a hierarchy—in many foraging societies, women worked longer hours and contributed more calories.

Risk diversification and specialization:

Hunting is unreliable → high variance in outcome
Gathering is reliable → daily caloric stability

This division evolved as a cooperative strategy, not due to physical limitations.

Memory Differences

Terry Burnham in Mean Genes explains:

Women, responsible for foraging near home, developed object-location memory
Men, hunting animals, developed spatial navigation

These tendencies may help explain why men often forget details like the location of their first date.

Strength and Longevity

Men, on average, weigh ~20% more than women, mostly muscle mass, and are taller.
Women consistently outlive men. Testosterone may contribute to aggression, muscle mass, and faster aging.

Studies in the early 1900s showed castrated men lived ~15 years longer than counterparts, suggesting testosterone reduces lifespan.

Conclusion: Men, on average, biologically built for strength; women, for longevity.

Mental Health and Social Media

Jonathan Haidt in The Anxious Generation notes social media harms girls more than boys due to:

Visual social comparison and perfectionism
Relational aggression
Easier sharing of emotions and disorders
Greater exposure to predation and harassment

Women evolved to be:

Attuned to social dynamics
Sensitive to reputation and status
Skilled at detecting subtle social cues

Social media amplifies these pressures. Boys face pressures too, often via hierarchical competition, toxic masculinity, online radicalization, gaming addiction, or pornography.

Conclusion

Men and women, on average, exhibit different behaviors shaped by evolutionary challenges. Women may gravitate toward caregiving and social cohesion, men toward competitive or risk-taking pursuits.

Cultural norms—from patriarchy to workplace stereotypes—also shape patterns.

Reflecting on this, a friend and I discussed how these perspectives might explain why men often have a better sense of direction, drive more aggressively, and are statistically involved in more accidents.

Question: How do you see evolutionary and cultural factors shaping our workplaces today? Share your thoughts!