Not a Book Review – 5
Are you tempted to interrupt a conversation when you disagree?
No one is born a saint; we all learn from mistakes. I used to do that several years ago, until one day, one of the stakeholders I was working with said to me before entering a meeting with a client:
“Saurabh, try not to interrupt when someone is speaking.”
However, the biggest eye-opener for me was when I met another client who once told me:
“OK Saurabh, you complete first and then I will speak.”
He always allowed me to finish my argument before making his point—even in moments of disagreement.
That’s when I truly learned the art of listening. Unfortunately, I don’t find this very common. For example, I have a friend who can speak for five minutes straight during a debate, but the moment I begin to talk, I can barely last 20 seconds before he jumps in with his point.
Why do most of us have poor listening skills?
The simple reason is that we all want to talk about ourselves first.
Our fall from the stairs and breaking a leg feels more important than a civil war a thousand miles away. We want people to listen to us.
But if we all want to be heard, isn’t it equally important to let the other side make their point?
If we do this patiently, we actually win the conversation and can disagree well. Listening is like Wi-Fi—everybody wants a strong signal, but tends to emit a weak one. 😃
A rule of thumb
If you are in a heated conversation—whether about strategy in a boardroom or brainstorming with colleagues or friends—try giving the other side at least 2–3 minutes to finish.
Then make your point, rather than interrupting within seconds.
As this book so wisely puts it:
“If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don’t wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence.”
Final thought
So the next time you meet a poor listener… maybe a good idea would be to gift them this book? 📖
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